How to Have A Meaningful Conversation
(Material adapted from Carey Nieuwhof and Rose Meeder)
The Dinner Table Church is all about building relationships with people and trusting the work of the Holy Spirit to eventually lead them to Jesus to receive his saving grace or address whatever need they are experiencing. We clearly and repeatedly state why we gather every Thursday; it’s about Food, Friendship and Faith.
Obviously, an essential part of Dinner Church ministry involves conversation. AND – you may wonder HOW to have that conversation. Carey Nieuhof writes, “I have been in Christian ministry for over half a century and after all those years I still find “sharing my faith” incredibly hard to do. But – I really want to do it! I believe that meeting Jesus on this side of heaven will make life richer and more joyful and more peaceful than anything else available to us. There is a tenacity and fierceness to God’s love through Jesus that holds people firmer in the face of life’s struggles than anyone can imagine.
I want everyone to know this. Everyone.”
Well, the key is figuring out how to start, how to continue the conversation and eventually, how to let it go.
Relationships are complicated. Communication between two individuals is often fraught with misunderstanding. The timing isn’t always right and sometimes you are just not in the mood.
But despite all that, here are a few key principles from Nieuwhof, that will be beneficial in having conversations with Dinner Table attendees.
1. Be patient. Don’t begin with your own stories or rush into deep conversation. Begin with small talk. Example: “Hi my name is ______, so glad to see you this afternoon, “How is your day going?” “Do you live here in town?” “Is your family from the area?”
2. Move past assumptions. Often, we have already pre-decided what someone thinks about God. You may know that a person doesn’t attend church regularly, so you assume they think spiritual things are irrelevant. Really? Why assume that if there is no evidence to support it? Listen before speaking.
3. Express interest and curiosity. Your first several conversations may not mention Jesus or much about yourself. Ask about life and ideas and plans and achievements and concerns and anxieties. Be intentionally respectful.
You should hear yourself saying “What do you think about that?” “How did you come to feel this way?” “What’s it like for you when that happens?” Validate. Empathize. Be motivated by a genuine desire to engage. When their story breaks your heart, because real life has a way of doing that, tell them you don’t know what to say but politely offer when you have been similarly at the very end of yourself, you have prayed about it. Because that is being honest – the last time you had no idea how to fix your broken heart, you prayed – and God helped you.
If you don’t care about this person, you don’t get to nudge the conversation into the faith arena. You don’t get to pray with them and share the good news about Jesus. First comes “the caring” and then comes “the sharing”. Your first conversation earns you the right to the next conversation. Keep this in mind.
4. Share Your Stuff.
When you eventually talk about Jesus and your own life, be appropriately, but profoundly honest. Everybody has stuff. Your life is not all-together. Life is sometimes hard for everybody.
Talk about how your job leaves you dissatisfied, how you struggle to get a good night’s sleep, how you are seeing a marriage counselor, how you worry about your kids and your weight and your finances.
If you share your thoughts on God in the false context that your life is perfect, you obviously don’t need Him. You have life figured out on your own. That will be a shame, when all the while you want to communicate that God’s redeeming love bolsters you and grounds you. The truth is you believe that Jesus died for all the bad, unexplainable anguish and garbage going on in the world and going on in your life. Tell your friend that. They will listen.
5. Utilize media tools to expand conversations following Thursday gatherings – texts, emails, social media and old-fashioned phone calls are helpful to follow up interested attendees. A simple text or email is powerful – “Praying for you this morning, hope you have a blessed day!”
6. Pray daily for the attendees God has put on your heart.
7. Know your truth. Reach daily into scripture and apply the words of Jesus to your life. You will nurture and ground your soul. God will use you.
8. Let Go. You are going to invest in people by sharing life with them and eventually presenting the gospel message and what it means to live with a Biblical worldview. The truth of what you share has the power to transform. When people lean into God-conversations, the possibilities for life-change are incredible. But – maybe someone will grow to like you but at the same time, will not respond to meaningful ministry. Maybe it will feel odd when you offer to pray for someone’s loss, and you will only receive a grateful smile but a guarded expression. This person who now trusts you and cares about you too, will possibly often let you talk about your faith but will not immediately cross the line and become a believer. And you know what? That’s ok. That’s not your responsibility. That’s not your job. It is a noble and even righteous goal to bring people to Christ but don’t make a single person your conversion project. That’s way beyond your pay grade!
Let. that. go. And allow God to do His work. Never stop being “for” your friend and focus on moving past the judgments and assumptions that will threaten your friendship. God has got this. Relax and enjoy knowing that fact.
